tw: death, drugs, suicide
► ryan is both the opposite and the exact person you'd expect him to be. he is just another fucked up, drug addicted kid coming out of a shitty, underfunded, overcrowded school in the bronx. however - he isn't exactly what it seems. he is a lot of things, but he isn't totally
► so - he came from a very expected background. he grew up in the worst part of the bronx to two people who were trying harder than he deserved. his father - a sarcastic, heavy drinker. his mother - a sweet, kind woman. they were both more than what he deserved.
► the kid was a little gremlin at best. seeing what everyone did - he naturally adapted. at least he'd like to peg it that way. half of the time he wasn't being asked 'if your friend jumped off a bridge - would you?' because it was probably his idea in the first place.
► however - his fun loving, popular personality took a temporary halt after his mothers murder. the case has went cold, and she was found in their apartment. her file - just like a lot of files - got lost in the system. it only lands onto a rookie's desk so they don't have to give him the "real" crimes.
► was he one of those kids that after the murder was determined to be an upright citizen, and later on become a police officer to help with this type of stuff? yeah. sure. ryan was turned completely up on his head because of this when he was fifteen. nothing like this had really happened to him.
► the male had done things like smoked pot, drinking a little, etc. he had never really done any major drugs. he held back, and occasionally took a few pills. through this - he eventually got hooked up to start dealing drugs. this wasn't exactly unique in his shitty little town. his father knew, but didn't know what to say. as long as he didn't get caught - he left it alone.
► ryan eventually sort of got back to his normal self by the end of high school. he didn't technically graduate because he got expelled in the middle of senior year for putting a rat in someones locker as a joke. however - it was the wrong locker. his ex-girlfriend didn't find it as funny. the kid known in school for selling drugs an dd sleeping around was out.
► ryan took it one step further. the year after the expulsion - he got out of the state. at nineteen - he caught a plane to seattle. he wasn't sure why, and he wasn't sure what he was going to do. he barely even had a plan. but man was he happy. something just didn't feel right in new york. he couldn't stop himself from walking past his mothers grave. it hurt him more than he was willing to admit.
► the male went through a major string of relationships, and even got shortly engaged once. his relationships were often short, fast, and awful. he was just dating whoever at that point.
► ryan had a baby girl by a
crazy girl who got pregnant with out his permission. he later on found out, and took her full time. he was a pretty shitty dad, but he tried. badly. he spent most nights out anyway. he just pawned her off on someone. however - he now lives with regrets after a neglectful babysitter found the baby had suffocated in her blankets.
► ryan fell back down after that. he was sure he wouldn't rise back up. since this happened - ryan has attempted twice. both obviously failed, and he is now getting help. it took him a while to come around to the idea of help, but he is trying. he just wants to get back to his fun loving, joking self.
► ryan has continued to deal drugs. he often wishes he could be a tattoo artist, but he has stuck with the drug dealing. he is pretty comfortable with it, and it gives him a very steady amount of money coming in. he really doesn't mind it at all.
►he is technically married. he got married to pixel kennedy when they were both drunk. he isn't exclusive to her, though, and doesn't mention it too often. they haven't gotten an annulment or divorce. ryan isn't too bothered by it.
► ryan right now lives alone. unless you count the cat that refuses to leave his apartment. he deals drugs, and is generally just trying to be more happy.
►ryan is one of those people who is really there when you need him. he may not be there for all of the random shit. he may not be there to text you on your first day of your new job. he may not give a shit about all of that. but you can count on him to get up at 3 am to go to mcdonalds when you get fired from that job. he isn't there all the time. he isn't always the sweetest guy on the planet, but he makes it count when he is.
► ryan is blunt. he'll tell it to you straight. he may not always tell you what you want to hear, but you can count on him to tell you what you need to hear. he is just one of those people. he'll sugar coat stuff sometimes. he isn't always insanely blunt, but he definitely will be if you start acting like a giant mess.
► ryan is addicted to drugs. he tends to hide any negative effects. chances are if he overdosed, or something like that - he wouldn't tell anyone. he figures if nobody makes a big deal out of it - it must not be a big deal.
►ryan is pretty laid back. he isn't the type to just start fights over nothing. he may not like you, but chances are he'll just laugh it off. he just likes to chill most of the time. he has his dramatic moments, but for the most part is just pretty relaxed.
► ryan is severely depressed. he acts like an unemotional brick to help cover it up. ryan never really knew how to deal with awful emotions. he doesn't know how to express his shitty feelings. half the time he is shocked when people genuinely give a shit if he's okay.
► when ryan is in a good mood - it is great. he has no problem being a joking fuckboy. he has no problem having fun. he is just having trouble getting back to that point in his life right now.
► ryan is colorblind. he jokes about it constantly, and loves to make comments about it that make him laugh.
►it is pretty funny because ryan is also an amazing artist. he loves painting, and has been for years. he is very good at it, but is very selective on who he shows his art to. he gets super embarrassed, and thinks pretty much everything is awful.
► he has like seven cactus's.
► overall - he is my sad sunshine.